Going into my first practice with Subhashini Aunty I was nervous, but through the dance, she introduced me to ideas that still sit with me today. I remember I was dancing my varnam and had to brutally stab Mahishasura, a demon, with the Devi’s brutal weapon. I flinched. I couldn’t stand to see even the imaginary demon become bloody and I instinctively turned my face away. Aunty was originally puzzled, but she said something so casually but so powerfully that I use it to fuel my dance today: “As a dancer, you’re the bridge between the lyricist and the audience—you have the crucial task of evoking the emotions in the poetry and conveying it to the audience.” That means the poet will write that the Devi is angry at the demon, and to show the audience that, I must find that same anger and kill the demon- I have to be the Devi. The idea of submerging myself in the dance by being the character continues to motivate me today.
Vidya Aunty was vital in improving my form. She understood where I came from and where my Bharatanatyam foundations lie. She knew what I was exposed to, and what I wanted to be as a dancer. Often she would confirm a correction before I even had the chance to ask her about it. Vidya Aunty regularly invited me to her home for practice and the days nearing my arangetram consoled me when my nerves kicked in. Vidya Aunty taught me the major part of my maargam and in the process developed a unique bond with me that I continue to cherish.
This arangetram experience confirmed to me why the cliche sayings “Hard work pays off” or “If at first you don’t succeed, try try again” are still drilled into our heads from when we are little. I learned that the most fulfilling moments in life don’t come easily, it actually does take pain, hard work, and sweat to ultimately feel the full satisfaction that my parents, sister, Subhashini Aunty, Vidya Aunty, From Within Staff, and my family helped me find on the day of my arangetram nearly one year ago.
–Written by Gayatri Shandar